Porno Jean

Marilyn Monroe, born Norma Jeane Mortenson on 1st June 1926, was one of the worlds most famous and infamous people to ever live. She started her career as a model and later became a very well respected, singer and actress thanks to films like 'The Seven Year Itch' and 'Some Like It Hot', which she also won a golden globe for. She died on 5th August 1962 from a overdose, suicide was never ruled out but many believe she was murdered by the FBI and CIA because of her connexions to the commander in chief.

In 1997, a roofer working on a house in the town of falls church found a stack of pornography in front of the house he was working on, instead of leaving it or throwing it away, the weird man decided to keep the second hand porn, and take it home with him to decorate his walls in his house. What the hell?, who does that? Later he found out that one of the images was of Monroe laid bare with nothing but a bow in her hair, smiling. The image sold for $6,655 and was apparently taken in 1945, the earliest known nude photo of her, only adding to her reputation as the sexual provocateur of the era.

Last year, 15 mins of 16mm silent black and white film footage was sold by the son of a dead FBI informant. The 1950's film footage shows Marilyn Monroe on her knee's sucking off a mystery man who never lets his face enter the shot, indicating he knew the camera was there. I like to think its one of the Kennedy's she's about to take a shot in the mouth from. The videotape was sold for $1.5 million to an anonymous New York businessman. I'm thinking its gotta be Jack Bauer's dad 'Donald Sutherland' from the show 'Dirty sexy money', or possibly even Donald Trump, i cant think of any other new york businessmen.

Apparently he bought it to protect Marilyn's privacy and credibility. her credibility? She fucked the president and the entire family.

How is there not one person, with $1.6 million who could of outbid Mr Trump and shared it with me, and the rest of the world maybe. Instead I'm stuck with Colin Farrel in my celebrity sextapes. 'yer fucka, yer fucka buuutterful,' in a shit Irish accent for 12 mins acting like the massive cunt that he is. Its embarrassing, for both him, and the male gender, nobody talks or fucks as bad as this guy.

Anyway, the businessman is either either telling the truth about his intentions for the tape, to keep it locked up, in which case it has most likely been destroyed already, or he was lieing, has bought it as an investment and it will be sold at a later date for more money, or lastly and in my mind, the most likely scenario, he sits at home every night alone, masturbating furiously while watching the tape, that's probably what id be doing. No, that IS what id be doing.

People With A.I.D.S

I've drove down Zzyzx road just outside Vegas, that was pretty neat. But seeing this in the middle of Manhattan Island in between the Mayors office and Washington Square Park, nearly made me die, not of A.I.D.S mind you.

Rumour has it, Freddy Mercury's last dieing wish was to get fucked by a midget wearing a ski mask at this plaza. Unfortunately, Reg (the preferred midget) died traveling to New York to meet Fred in a tragic blimp accident. Fred died a week later, instead of being buried or cremated, Fred was stuffed and is currently on display in Burma.

One Missed Call

One Missed Call, is the Hollywood remake of Japanese film 'Chakushin ari'. Sky Movies described it as, 'A group of students receive phone calls from their future selves, warning of their impending, gruesome deaths. Can anything stop the signal? Murderous mobile mayhem.'Oh my fucking days.

In all fairness, the only reason i watched the film was i kind of have a thing for Shannyn Sossamon who stars as the leading role of Beth. Beth's friends all start to get voice messages on their mobiles of themselves screaming and dieing in the future. Then they die, while all sucking a red piece of candy. Fuck me. The plot and film dribbles on for nearly 90 minutes. 90 minutes of my life I've wasted when i could of spent that time building a raft, shooting beer bottles with a BB gun or even curing Crohn's disease, but instead I've achieved none of these heightened senses possibly achievable in an hour and a half.

You know when you go to the cinema and there are those Orange adverts with a bunch of movie exec's and someone like Kevin Spacey, and the producers want to make the sole plot of the film revolve around a mobile phone, well its like it finally happened, but this film is even shitter. How it got a rating of 3.4 on IMDB i will never know.

Also, one of my cats had shit the living room so that only added to the film's intensity.

President Socks

Is there a finer image to ever be taken? Bill Clinton's cat 'socks' addressing the nation. Quite possibly the greatest photograph ever taken, maybe apart from that really cool pic of Bundy looking all angry and sexy in the courtroom.

Doesn't 'socks' look like Hitler? Or if you happen to be in the business, Kitlers.

http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/

The Locust

I wanna party with this band, c'mon, look at them. It even appears they like owls from JP's arm. I fucking dig owls. I went to an owl sanctuary once. I could join the band...on the basis i play the owl like some sort of hairy flute. If theres any instrument this band doesn't use, its definitely wind instruments, and if theres anything this band sorely needs, its a fucking flute made out of a piped owl.