Sexual Hitler

Apparently women used to faint in pure sexual ecstasy when they met Hitler. What a guy.

Posh Survivor

My bruv tucking into a zebra...

I caught glimpse of Bear Grylls last week on the tube and thought i'd look him up, mainly because i was almost certain he wasn't born with Bear as his christian name. I went straight to the wikipedia page for him, and learnt some interesting facts about this odd man. Bear in mind (get it) its wikipedia so its probably more than embellished.

1. His first name is not Bear, but actually, Edward.

2. He is the son of Sir Micheal Grylls, Conservative MP.

3. He was educated at Eton college and has a degree in Hispanic studies from Birkbeck college.

4. He has three sons, Jesse, Marmaduke and most recently, Huckleberry.

5. He lives on a barge moored by Battersea bridge.

6. He holds the world record for the highest open air formal dinner party which he did in a hot air balloon while dressed in military evening wear.

7. Warner Bros has asked him to appear in their remake of clash of the titans.

8. He is one of the youngest Brits to ever climb Mt Everest at the age of 23, just 18 months after breaking his back in a military operation he claims to of been a part in, despite no one else in his unit knowing about such an event.

9. Survivalist Ray Mears has labelled Grylls a "boy scout" (a somewhat ironic comment given that Grylls was later appointed to the role of Chief Scout of the UK),

10. He once rowed for 22 miles along the Thames in a homemade bathtub, naked.

Mystery Scissorhands

I cant quite figure out how no-one has noticed this before, so i thought i better bring it to the worlds attention. That weirdo Blaine Harrison, the singer from Mystery Jets very much resembles Edward Scissorhands, yeah?

In a fight, my £10 is on the guy in black with scissors for hands as opposed to the weird chap in pink with a limp.

Chuckle bike crash

While researching the last post i stumbled upon a rather delightful article on aids ridden Paul Chuckle and his motorcycle crash, its a couple of years old, but it makes me laugh oh so delightfully. Here's the article from the BBC...

Life isn't so funny for Chuckle Brothers star Paul Elliott after he was injured in a motorbike smash.

He was injured when he fell off his bike during a family holiday on the Greek island of Kefalonia.
Paul and brother Barry are the stars of BBC1 show Chuckle Vision. He broke his nose and received cuts and bruises.

Some British tourists stopped at the accident, but instead of helping him out, they shouted out the Chuckle Brothers' catchphrase: "To me, to you."

Paul also got a black eye, but that shouldn't hinder his Chuckle vision. The comedian said he was enjoying the ride when there was a steep curve in the road - and came across a shepherd with his flock of goats.

He said: "As I braked I lost control and I'm not sure exactly what happened. The next thing I knew, I was on the floor with the motorbike on top of me."

Chuckle aids

Have you ever wondered if its true that The Chuckle Brothers both have aids? Today we lay down the proverbial rumour that's been floating about the backstreet hospital grape vine since the early 90's. There's only one way to honestly and truly delve deep into the question to learn the real truth behind it all.

Do the chuckle brothers both have aids?

The New Renoir

Who are or were the great artists? Many believe the Renaissance spawned some of the greatest artists and thinkers of existence. People such as Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael, made even more famous by a rat named splinter who named his ninja disciple's after his four favourite Renaissance artists, a clever thing to do for a rat some might say. Needless to say, splinters word has proven to be fairly accurate amongst many art critics. Personally i believe Da Vinci was a bit of dick, never finished too many paintings and i stand by my judgement that the guy had his fingers in far too many pies.

Anyhow, back to topic, they were 'considered' great artists, along with names like Botticelli, Picasso, Monet, Van Gogh, Renoir, Dali and Rembrandt. All these names conjure up the image of artistic genius. They are all instantly recognizable names in their chosen fields regardless what you or i think they portray a certain ideal of a certain artistic movement.

Needless to say you've heard these names, your know their work, in my opinion these people have had their day, but we must now move on. I discovered a new and exciting artist i would like to share with the world. About 3 years ago i discovered an image that actually made me cry tears of joy. An image so strong and powerful i saved it to my computer in the folder 'other'. Very recently after several bottles of white wine i decided to actually find out the name of this great artist. And i was shocked to find each piece of art is even more magnetic than the last.

I say we give this fine specimen of a human the attention and credit he quite rightly deserves, lets get this guy in the Louvre, without any further adue, i introduce Mark Chamberlain. The patron saint and innovator of gay batman watercolours.

Mango advice...

In some ways protecting your mango is similar to Fight Club, there are certain rules. Quite specifically there is one rule that stands out. That rule is: Do not leave your mango exposed in the work place.

If you look carefully in the first picture you will notice the mango is crying due to being shamefully defaced in the style of the NY punk scene due to being left unattended for an extended period of time. A basic error in mango maintenance.

Japan Vs Cat

Aristotle once asked, If a British born cat tried to backpack across Japan, what what said cat look like. Today, on a windy Sunday evening in the heart of Suffolk, that question has finally been answered.

It's a shame I'm such a bastard cause I'm actually putting the cat on a plane to Havana.

Karl Marx Vs Cats

If you can think of a better thing to do on a Tuesday evening than this, then i will eat my own hat. Find an old Marilyn Manson magnet that was free with 'Kerrang' magazine about 50 years ago, a Karl Marx finger puppet, fashion them together using scissors to get rid of the top half of Manson, some tape, and then you have a Karl Marx toy with legs, the next step is to try and put him on top of your cats bodies so it looks like Karl is riding them like a cowboy and a weird looking horse. Results vary.